The Past Should Stay Dead
by 50ShadesofGerardGay
Summary: Years ago, someone came along and ruined Trina's life. Now they're back for Jade. Can Trina overcome her past to save someone else's future? Trina/Jade friendship and slight Jandre *Co-written with BelleTheWickedWitch*
1. Prologue

_**So this was the story I was supposed to be working on with WellNowWhat (previously GiveMeSomethingToBelieveIn). Now this is my story because she decided it would be better if we didn't work together on this particular story. But I promised that I would use the chapter that she wrote in the story, so I hope you like it. She's a great writer so go check her out and read her other stuff.**_

_**I also decided I'm going to finish writing The Preyingmantis, How Do You Love Someone, and this story before I work on the one about the shooting (which I've also decided will be inside the school). I'm going to write the story and see where it's going before I post it so I can draft a better summary. So heads up, be on the lookout for it soonish!**_

_**Now that that's out of the way, I hope you read and like this as well as leave a review!**_

_**-Skye**_

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><p>"<em><strong>Prologue"<strong>_

"_Tailored sheets to fix this dirty bed for once this dirt won't come all off. It can't be pushed aside. The wind is blowing through closed doors with shadows dancing in the hall. Now hit the floor crawl to the side. We've all made better moves despite the slowing of our feet." – Emarosa_

Tori and her friends are going to a party. I wasn't invited. But, then again, I never am. It's better that way, or so I've tried countless times to convince myself. One day I'll get through to my brain and not care.

I plaster on my perky smile and get dressed – I'm crashing. It's the only way to get in on the gossip. Going to parties always seemed really trivial and meaningless back before the incident. Back then, I was beautiful and talented – people invited me to all the parties. Before the incident I had my choice of where to go and when.

I follow Andre's car. I wait about five minutes outside the house so that they won't know I followed them. I should've known it wouldn't work, though. Tori always knows I follow her and her friends.

I walk into the house and I'm handed a beer by some lanky, zit-covered, bleach-blonde guy with a douche-y voice. He latches his arm around my shoulders.

"Hey there, pretty lady," he slurs. He reeks of alcohol. I roll my eyes and roll out of his grasp, putting my beer on a counter somewhere. I never really liked parties. The idea of them is fun, I guess, but once you get there it's all sweat, loud music, beer, and idiots.

I mingle my way through the crowd, being perky and irritating until people just leave me alone. I don't mind being alone so much. It's just less time being with people I really don't want to be with in the first place.

"Check out the movie director making moves on Scary Girl over there!" Great. Blonde Douche is back, slinging his arms around my shoulders and shoving another beer in my hand. "Hey, cheers, pretty lady, it's a party!" I roll my eyes as I clink my bottle against his, looking in the direction where he had previously gestured.

In that terrifying moment, I see him.

There's a flash of tunnel vision, where it is just he and I again, in a room, in a party. Then my vision comes back and the emotions that I had repressed for years flood back to me: guilt, fear, nausea, and pain.

It was him.

_He_ was back.

And _he_ was with _Jade_.

His hand was stroking her elbow, and she was giggling. A red plastic cup was clutched in the hand of the arm he wasn't stroking. His free arm rested just above her head on the wall he had her pinned against. She put her cup down and began to fiddle with the collar of his jacket. She playfully pushed him in the chest. He slid his hand down the wall and behind her head, bringing her face to meet his. They kissed. She clawed at his jacket, desperately clinging to him for support.

_Oh my God_.

No.

Jade. She was so tough. She was so strong willed. And he would snap her like a twig.

Just like he did to me.

I want to hurl. Blonde Douche is still all over me, so I puke on his shoes. He leaves me alone after that. The memories make me want to scream.

I run to an upstairs bedroom. Actually, I can't find an empty bedroom. It ends up being a closet—but that's too small—and then the bathroom. I sit down beside the bathtub, pull my knees up to my chest, and scream into them.

The memories all come flooding back, overwhelming me into silencing my screams, back to the day, five years ago, when I first met _him_.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm talented – I mean _exceptionally_ talented. I can sing, dance, act – you name it, I could do it. (Except for Scottish accents, I can't do those.) Getting into Hollywood Arts has been my dream since I was a little girl. In the eighth grade, I got the opportunity to audition.

_Principal Eikner, Lane, and Sikowitz were judging my auditions. I don't even remember what it is I was auditioning with. As my mom and I were walking out, Sikowitz caught up with us. He said that I would be perfect for a part in a movie that his college roommate's younger cousin was directing. He gave me all the information and I prepared myself for my first and last, serious, professional audition._

_Blake Hitchcock. He was Alfred Hitchcock's grandson, or perhaps great-grandson, or some relation thereof. I cared back then, but not enough to remember the exact detail now. He was tall, dark, and handsome, the teenage dream. He liked my acting. He loved my acting, actually. His eyes sparkled as he watched me. Those eyes watch me in my dreams – black as night, yet still sparkling, watching me dance. By dance, I mean figuratively, of course; there was no dancing in the movie._

_My mom left us alone. She said that she'd be back to pick me up when I texted her that we were done. I went to text her and the phone was snatched from my hands. I was sitting down. Maybe that made the difference. If I hadn't sat down, it wouldn't have been so easy for him to get on top of me._

_He started to whisper terrible, awful things in my ear – things I never thought I would hear and would probably have liked in a different context. The next thing I knew, he pulled my clothes off with his greasy fingernails. I could smell the tobacco on his breath as his lips trailed down my lips to my neck. His arms pinned me down. I didn't think I had a choice. I should have struggled more. I was too scared – I should have fought. I let it happen._

_I focused on anything else in the room. The ceiling was white and boring. God, I remember that ceiling so well. I remember the centipede that was crawling on it. I remember the fire alarm on the right corner of the ceiling. I remember the cobweb. It was broken, dangling between the fire alarm and the ceiling, drooping with the sadness of being forgotten. The fire alarm had a gray scuff mark on it, as if someone had tried to turn it off by throwing their shoe at it. To what avail, I don't know, but the scuff mark wasn't on the button. I remember every detail of that ceiling. _

Masked behind the memories of the ceiling is the pain. Pain and hurt and discomfort masked in a white ceiling that haunts my dreams every night. That white ceiling that I will never _ever_ forget.

I shouldn't have focused on the ceiling. I should have fought harder. I should have struggled. I shouldn't have just let the pain happen.

I have to stop him, before he gets to Jade. Before he hurts her, too.

I find myself running down the stairs to the corner where they had been making out.

They aren't there.

It's my fault.

He's going to hurt her.

I begin to wallow in my own misery, but I could have stopped it. The moment I saw them together, I could have taken Jade away from him. Now she's going to get hurt. She won't have any control. I could have – should have – warned her. I should have done something.

Now they're gone.

And it's all my fault.


	2. The Only Hope For Me Is You

**_Hi! So I got this out earlier than I expected! I was also supposed to post it last night, but I was souper busy with talking to people and doing some other work. But now here it is!_**

**_Just a reminder: The Prologue of this story was written by WellNowWhat so go check her out! This story is dedicated to her. _**

**_If this gets a little confusing, there are alternating point of views between chapters. You will see that eventually though._**

**_So please review if you read this! It doesn't take too long. And thank everyone who put my story on alert, put me on alert, favorited this story, and favorited me. You guys are so cool!_**

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>Chapter 1 – The Only Hope For Me is You"<strong>_

"_If there's a place that I could be then I'd be another memory. Can I be the only hope for you, because you're the only hope for me? And if we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own because the only hope for me is you alone." – My Chemical Romance_

"Come on Beck; take me to get some food!" I demand as I walk to leave Vega's house, motioning him to follow me. I don't hear footsteps behind me.

"I'm tired of fighting," Beck retorts. Wait, what? I _know_ he didn't just say _that_ to me instead of _listening_ to me.

I turn around to face him and breathe in. "Okay," I begin as I point at Vega's front door. "I'm gonna walk out that door and I'm gonna count to ten." My voice resonates in Vega's home, but I don't care; all I care about is Beck not following me.

"Don't forget three," Cat reminds me in her stupid little airy voice. "Some people forget it." God, I hate how innocent she is sometimes! She's so stupid!

"If I get to ten and you're not out there," I start, ignoring Cat's dumb remark, "I'm going home and we're over." I turn around and exit Vega's house as I start counting. I pause for a moment, giving Beck time to come to his senses. I stand outside Vega's front door by her stupid bushes with my arms crossed and my posture relaxed, yet expectant.

"Two!"

There's no sound or movement. Actually, I think Vega's annoying older sister said something—probably to Beck. I hate her, but this isn't about her.

"_Three_."

I hear a slight clapping inside, probably from Cat.

"Four."

I hear footsteps as I yell "five" and I hear a loud grunt, followed by a body falling to the floor and Vega yelling her sister's name as I yell the next number. There's a lot of scuffling, but Beck still doesn't come to the door. This is the longest he's ever taken to come back when I do a countdown, but I can't let him know I'm worrying about it.

"Seven, eight, nine…ten."

I hesitate before I say the last number, hoping he'll open the door. When he doesn't, I step forward and reach for the knob of Vega's door. Everything inside me wants me to run to him and apologize, but Jade West doesn't apologize; Jade West never backs down from her word.

I hesitate as my hand is inches from the doorknob. God I want to open that door; I want to be in his arms; I want to kiss him; and most of all, I want to forget this.

But I can't.

I turn around and head to my car. I waste no time starting the car and driving home. Beck can find his own ride back. I just…I just need to get away from this. I need to forget.

I get home and head straight to my room, ignoring my father who's sitting in his favorite chair working on some of his stupid paper work for his stupid job. Once in my room—my glorious room decked in black walls decked in gross things like jars of blood and body parts, hundreds of pairs of scissors, and countless gory posters from some of my favorite movies—and I fall back onto my bed. My queen sized, satin sheeted bed is the one place I always feel comforted. I can cry here—but I never cry; Jade West doesn't cry.

As I stare at my ceiling with the poster of _The Paramedic_, one of my new favorite bands, the realization of what happened finally sinks in.

_How_ could he just let me walk away from him? How could he _not_ come after me? How could I let this happen? God, I'm so damn _stupid_ for what I did! It's my own damn fault this happened.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, dragging me out of my thoughts. I pull out my phone and see a text with Cat's name written at the top of it:

_7:58 PM Nov 5_

_**R u ok?**_

Seriously? Of course I'm not okay! I just let the one person I loved in this world more than anything go! But I can't tell Cat that; I have to keep up my image.

_7:58 PM Nov 5_

_**R u ok?**_

_8:00 PM Nov 5_

_I've been better, Cat._

I sigh, resting my phone on my stomach, but my breath comes out ragged. I feel a sob threatening to escape my throat, but I suppress it. I can't cry. I'm Jade West, not a crying baby.

My stomach tingles and I pick up my phone.

_7:58 PM Nov 5_

_**R u ok?**_

_8:00 PM Nov 5_

_I've been better, Cat._

_8:02 PM Nov 5_

_**Tori's gng 2 a prty fri wnna cm? **_

I narrow my eyes at the phone. Why the hell would I want to go to a party with Vega? I hate her! She's probably one of the reasons Beck let me leave him! But, with an annoyed sigh, I compose a message for my little, lovable, redheaded nuisance.

_7:58 PM Nov 5_

_**R u ok?**_

_8:00 PM Nov 5_

_I've been better, Cat._

_8:02 PM Nov 5_

_**Tori's gng 2 a prty fri wnna cm?**_

_8:03 PM Nov 5_

_I don't want to go anywhere with Tori. _

_Her stupid sister will probably drag herself _

_along and Beck will probably be there._

I have a feeling Cat will start crying soon once she reads my message, but I can't find it in myself to care. If Beck wasn't the last person I wanted to see at the moment, Vega would take his place. I can't _stand_ her! This is her damn fault!

_7:58 PM Nov 5_

_**R u ok?**_

_8:00 PM Nov 5_

_I've been better, Cat._

_8:02 PM Nov 5_

_**Tori's gng 2 a prty fri wnna cm?**_

_8:03 PM Nov 5_

_I don't want to go anywhere with Tori. Her stupid _

_sister will probably drag herself along and Beck will _

_probably be there._

_8:03 PM Nov 5_

_**Plz jade? U dnt hv 2 tlk 2 tori! There wll b lotz **_

_**of ppl thr u cn tlk 2! Im sure ull find SUM1 2 keep bck n **_

_**tori away.**_

_8:05 PM_

_**Idk if becks gng neway! he sys hll b oot!**_

_What_? Beck's going out of town this weekend? What the _hell_? Why didn't he tell me? Well if he's not going to that stupid party with Vega then he's probably got some other _whore_ to spend time with him. Maybe she's the reason we broke up.

God I have to stop thinking about this!

With a defeated sigh, I give in to Cat's pleas. I really need something to get my mind off things.

_7:58 PM Nov 5_

_**R u ok?**_

_8:00 PM Nov 5_

_I've been better, Cat._

_8:02 PM Nov 5_

_**Tori's gng 2 a prty fri wnna cm?**_

_8:03 PM Nov 5_

_I don't want to go anywhere with Tori. Her stupid _

_sister will probably drag herself along and Beck will _

_probably be there._

_8:03 PM Nov 5_

_**Plz jade? U dnt hv 2 tlk 2 tori! There wll b lotz **_

_**of ppl thr u cn tlk 2! Im sure ull find SUM1 2 keep bck n **_

_**tori away.**_

_8:05 PM_

_**Idk if becks gng neway! he sys hll b oot!**_

_8:07 PM_

_Okay Cat, I'll go with you to the party._

_8:07 PM_

_**Yay! Im so hppy!**_

I don't text her back. Her happiness is a little too much for me right now.

I set my phone on my bedside table and sigh loudly. I take one of my pillows and beat it repeatedly before resting my head on it. I kick off my boots and the hit the floor with a loud _thud_. As I clench my eyes shut and try to clear my head, I officially decide that I _won't_ be going to school tomorrow.


	3. Nightmare

_Hi there! I posted another chapter, yaaaaaaay! If you haven't guessed, the chapters will be switching between Trina and Jade's POV. _

_As a reminder, the prologue of this story was written by WellNowWhat and if you liked it, you should definitely go check her out. She's an amazing writer! _

_**Third, this story is dedicated to WellNowWhat**._

_Fourth, if the phone conversation between Cat and Jade confused you, I wrote it as how Jade would see it if she was actually looking at her phone (like a smartphone that does chat logging). Sorry if that confused anyone!_

_Finally, this story will probably be significantly shorter than what I normally write, so I guess you guys are getting a break, haha. _

_Anywhore, with all that being said, I hope you like this story. Please leave a review telling me what you think!_

_-Skye_

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><p>"<em><strong>Chapter 2 – Nightmare"<strong>_

"_You should have known the price of evil, and it hurts to know that you belong here. While your nightmare comes to life, can't wake up in sweat cuz it ain't over yet." – Avenged Sevenfold_

I have to find her, before it's too late.

But…this house is so big! How can I find her in all of this drunken madness?

"Have you seen Jade?" I ask a random partier. They look to me with confused drunken eyes. "Who?" they slur out with dazed eyes. I clench my eyes shut and grab my head. Christ, I should have known this won't be that easy! I open my eyes and shake my hands nervously, trying to think of how I can find her. "The…the girl with…um…" Crap, I can't think of how to describe her! I rack my brain, searching for the right words.

"The scary looking girl!"

The girl I'm talking to nods to me with a toothy, intoxicated grin. I can smell the alcohol seeping through her parted ruby lips. "She wa' with thi' tall guy who talked funny, yeah?" I roll my eyes at her; I can barely understand the words she's saying. "Yes," I answer. "Now where did she _go_?"

The girl tosses her right arm across her body—a very stupid action considering she was pointing left and there was no cup in her left hand—and she spills her drink on me. She gasps way too loud and a few people turn to look at us. "I ssso ssssorry!" she exclaims way too loudly. "Tote'l acky-den.'" God, I feel my IQ dropping ten points every second I listen to her.

I groan loudly and head off in the direction the girl was trying to point out. You can never count on drunken idiots to do anything for you.

I climb over passed out girls with their skirts hiked up to their stomachs and passed out boys with shaken drawings of penises and blurred obscenities on their faces and foreheads. Most of them have beer and other liquor spilt all over their clothes, but no one comes to clean them up.

I climb the massive steps of the house as fast as I can in these ridiculous heels I have to wear in order to keep up appearances and I run to the first door I can find. I push it open to find only an empty bedroom.

_Crap!_

I slam the door shut and make my way to the next available door. I shake the handle, but it doesn't budge. I quickly ram myself against the door, trying to make the stupid thing open! After a few more budges, the door crashes open and two drunken idiots scream.

They aren't the idiots I'm looking for…

I don't bother saying anything to them and I quickly head for another room.

As I desperately try to find Jade, I can't help but think of the time I spent with that monster known as Blake Hitchcock.

_The first night, it was purely painful._

_His fingers burned my skin and the grease that coated his own skin burned me more. His lips breathed fire against my own, against my neck. I tried to move, but he was too strong; he overpowered me. At the time, I thought there was nothing I could do; I thought there was no way I could get that monster away from me._

_I let it happen._

_He whispered dirty things in my ear. I should have slapped him. I shouldn't have let them say those things to me. I should have pushed him off of me and ran home. But I was only fourteen and I didn't know better._

_I let it happen._

_I remember wishing I could be part of that ceiling, maybe part of that stupid and broken, forgotten and dilapidated fire alarm. I remember wanting to be anywhere else, to be anything else. I thought I could be like my mom; she was always strong and would never let anything bad happen to her. I remember thinking about how I would never be as innocent as my little sister who was only thirteen at the time. But I knew I could never be Tori, and I would never be my mother._

_I let it happen…_

_Blake didn't talk to me for the next week, and I was damn well okay with that. After what happened, I wouldn't care if I ever saw his monstrously beautiful face again. I never wanted to hear that devilishly gorgeous Australian accent of his, nor did I want to gaze into those golden rings he called eyes. _

_I refused to come out of my room the entire time and eventually my parents and little sister stopped caring. I even refused to go to school. And when my family would ask me questions, I normally responded with something rude; I just wanted to do anything to get them to leave me alone._

_The following Friday, I got a call saying I was getting a callback. My mother was the one who'd answered the call—because I wasn't allowed to give out my personal cell-phone number—and she was extremely ecstatic. I put my acting skills to the test and tried to be just as ecstatic. But deep down, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and wait it out until I died…or until Blake died, whichever came first._

_There was no hole for me, though._

_My mother drove me back to the audition place and I tried my hardest not to let her see that I was dreading every mile that brought me closer to Blake. I would occasionally find ways to annoy the hell out of my mom, like making extremely obnoxious noises or whining for her to do things for me, hoping she would get fed up with me and drive me back home so she could ground me._

_But my mother knows how to deal with annoying people; she grew up with eight brothers._

_She forced me to go to my callback and it was there that I saw him again._

_And he was laughing with another girl…_

_She was roughly my age I guess and I could _never _forget her name. She had long blonde hair and boobs that were at least a size and a half bigger than mine. She had big blue eyes and full red lips. _

_She also had Blake's hands all over her body._

_My mother wasn't there when I saw him and I'm glad she wasn't. When I watched Blake kiss that girl all over her face and neck, I didn't want my mother to see me cry._

_As the girl let him kiss all over her, her eyes slowly found their way to where I stood at the door. When she saw me, her already wide blue eyes grew larger and she gasped. Blake jumped slightly and looked to where she did._

"_Tara," he called as he stood up. "I see you made it."_

_I clenched my phone in my shaking hands. Pain and anger radiated through me as he advanced toward me. "It's Trina," I stated in a low voice. "I thought you said I had a callback." He frowned at me before putting his hands on my shoulders. "You did," he assured me. "But, I've decided to go another way with the part. You did great—" He nodded back to the blonde. "—but Lindsay did better. I'm sorry, Tina. I'm sure if you hurry you can catch up with your mom."_

_I rolled my eyes and pushed him away from me._

"_My name is _Trina_," I hissed. My eyes narrowed at him and I could feel the anger building inside me until I let it out as a punch to his face. He tumbled backward and his hand shot to his jaw. I turned around and walked out of the audition center. My mom was gone, but I didn't care. _

_The thirty mile walk home did me good._

Blake used me until he got the better package. I can't let that happen to Jade! I can't let her end up like me.

I continued to search through the whole house, this mansion I'd never seen before, but I normally ended up with more empty rooms or drunken bastards having sex with each other in every place there was available space for at least half a body. God, if I'd never ended up with _him_, would I be acting like these teenagers? Would I be drunk off my ass and sleeping with some guy whose name I'd probably forget by the time I woke up the next morning?

If being with _him_ meant I wouldn't end up like the people I came across then…I guess I don't hate him _as much_.

But I still hate him.

"Jade!" I call out. "Jade, where are you?"

"Trina?" Tori calls out to me. I turn around to see her climbing the stairs, a red plastic cup glued to her hand. "What—" she hiccups "—are you doing here? You should be at home." She walks up to me and roughly grabs my wrist. "I'm—" she hiccups again "—telling Mom…"

I grimace at her and snatch the cup from her hand. "Don't you _dare_, Tori Vega," I demand. "I swear to God I'll drag you home by your hair so fast your head will spin and show Mom how drunk off your ass you really are. She'll never let you out of the house _again_!"

My sister and I stare at each other with hard, determined eyes for a long moment before she bursts out laughing and drops her cup. Beer explodes over my leg and Tori laughs louder. "You're all wet!" she exclaims as she points at my soaked foot.

I roll my eyes. My sister turned into one of the drunken losers.

"Tell me where Jade is," I demand as I grab her shoulders. Tori snickers slightly and shrugs. "I haven't seen her since we got here," she admits. She hiccups again. "Cat might—" she hiccups again and almost falls over "—know where she is."

I stare at Tori expectantly, waiting for her to tell me where the little redhead is. She wears a goofy grin and just stares at me. "_Well_?" I screech. A few people around us look to us while the others laugh and snicker like we're the funniest damn thing on the planet.

"_Well_," Tori repeats in a deep voice and her stupid goofy grin. "I just made a deep 'well.' Haha, get it?" She starts laughing loudly again and I groan while rolling my eyes. When did _I_ become the responsible one?

I pull Tori by her wrist and we head downstairs.

"Cat!" I call out. "Cat, answer me!"

The bi-polar redhead comes bouncing toward us, a wide smile on her face. "When did you get here Trina?" she asks excitedly. "Isn't this party _great_?" She doesn't slur her words and there is no red cup in her hands. I hope to God she's not drunk…

"Yeah, yeah," I hurriedly push away. "Where's Jade? We need to go."

Cat stops bouncing and frowns. She points to the door. "She just left with this guy," Cat tells me. She looks back to me with sad eyes. "I told her she shouldn't leave with him because she doesn't know him but she wouldn't listen."

I scream loudly and grab my head. This night can't get any worse!

"Are you okay, Trina?" Cat asks. Tori laughs behind me.

I rush to the door. Hopefully they haven't driven off yet and I can stop her. Hopefully I won't be too late…

"Trina, wait!" Cat calls out. I ignore her and continue to jump over passed out teens as I race against the clock. As soon as I get to it, I rip the door open…

…just as _he _drives Jade off in his stupid sports car…


	4. Clarissa Didn't Explain This

_**I usually take five to six days to review, but it's spring break and I don't feel like doing the little homework I'm supposed to be doing. **_

_**So yeah, at 3 minutes to 11 I'm posting this chapter. If it seems rushed near the end, it kind of is. I've been working on this chapter all day and I kept getting distracted with reading stories, watching movies, and writing a one shot for "Love Taps" (which use to be Shots at Victory. The title is a Work in Progress). **_

_**Reminder: The very first chapter (the prologue) was written by WellNowWhat and you should totally go read her work. She's an amazing writer! **_

_**Hm...I guess that's it. I'm gonna try (TRY) to work on my homework tomorrow since it'll be due Tuesday and I'm a major procrastinator so I might not upload any new chapters for any of my stories. But knowing me and my ADHD, I'll probably skip out halfway through my homework and work on a chapter for something.**_

_**Anywhore, please read and review, telling me what you think of this. If you read this whole chapter, then I'd like to say thank you. If you review it as well, I'd just like to say THANK YOU SO MUCH BECAUSE YOUR REVIEWS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. **_

_**Goodnight lovelies!**_

_**-Skye**_

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><p>"<em><strong>Chapter 3 – Clarissa Didn't Explain This"<strong>_

"_Liar, Monster, Deceiver, Disgrace. The words drip from your tongue with such a flawless grace. The lips of a coward speak so well the words of the brave. I never knew hate until I met you." – The Paramedic_

My mother is gone long before I wake, just like she is every morning. She never leaves a note and she never says goodbye. I guess it's hard to miss someone you never see.

My father should be finishing his breakfast consisting of a bagel, black coffee, and a newspaper with the New York Stock Exchange readings just about now. When I head downstairs, he'll be stepping out the door telling me to "have a nice day at school" without a kiss on my head or a hug like normal fathers would do. Beck used to kiss me on the top of my head and hug me before we went to separate classes…

Christ, I'm not gonna take a day off so I can wallow in stupid misery!

I quickly get dressed, it doesn't matter what I where; it's all black and will never clash. I end up wearing black leggings that come halfway past my knees under a spaghetti-strap top that billows down in layered lace halfway down my thigh as well as my favorite combat boots. If I was a slut, this would be a dress and I wouldn't have the leggings under it, but I'm not so it isn't a fucking dress.

I head downstairs just as my dad is getting up from the table and grabbing his keys. "Bye, Dad," I call as I clomp down the stairs. He doesn't look at me as he progresses to the door. "Have a nice day at school," he tells me as he opens the door. I sigh and mutter something to him as he closes the door.

I didn't want a hug or a kiss anyway…

I make my way to the refrigerator and wait for the sound of my father's car. My hand slides around for something—anything—and I absentmindedly pick up the milk, I think. I hear his car start up outside as well as him revving it up. I slowly trudge to the kitchen table and set the milk down. Then I see his car drive off past the window in the living room.

Finally!

I pick the milk up and throw it back into the fridge before kicking the door closed. I make sure I've got my phone before I run to the key hooks by the door and I snatch my keys. After locking the door, I jump in my car and speed away.

There's one place I want to be and one person I want to be there with, but I have to go back to Hell in order to get her.

I try not to think of anything as I drive to Hollywood Arts. I turn the radio up as loud as possible and hook it to my PearPod. It's on shuffle and it starts to play "_Clarissa Didn't Explain This_" by The Paramedic. That was the last song I was listening to before I turned off my PearPod.

"_You were my biggest mistake. I should have never believed in you. We knew exactly what was at stake, Darling. Nothing you said was true._"

I roll my eyes and bring my hand up, slapping it down on the steering wheel. Great! This song is _exactly_ what I need right now. With a loud groan I push the button to change songs. When I hear the guitar of "I'm Not a Vampire" by Falling in Reverse, I smirk darkly. A song like this is just what I need to keep my mind off things!

I belt out the words along with the delightfully sinful Ronnie Radke.

"_Well I'm not a vampire but I feel like one_," we sing. "_Sometimes I sleep all day because I hate the sun…light! My hands are always shaking, body's always aching and the dark is when I feed…Well I could lure any woman that I want to in my bed with me_!"

I sing the rest of the words with Ronnie on the way to school. If I was with him, I'd _never_ let him out of _my_ bed. I'd wreck him in a minute…

Some other song comes on just as I reach the school—probably something by Bullet For My Valentine—and I kill the engine. I turn off my PearPod and lock it before I get out of the car and make my way into school.

Once inside, I see B-_him_ surrounded by a group of girls at his locker. Last night we changed our relationship statuses to make it official. It hasn't even been twenty four hours yet and the vultures are already after him.

_He's_ not my problem anymore.

I walk past him, not bothering to look at him. Then I see Cat standing alone by her locker. I sneak up behind her and put my hand over her mouth. "Don't make a sound," I hiss in her ear. My redheaded best friend shakes under my grasp but she doesn't even squeak. "We're skipping school and taking a little ride," I tell her. "Don't say anything, got it?" Cat nods and I take my hand off her mouth.

I grab her wrist and we walk outside together. Along the way I hear her start to speak and I grimace. "Don't even think about it," I remind her. She gasps softly and we exit through the front doors. As soon as she gets in my car, she speaks.

"What's going on?" she asks. "Where are you taking me?"

I roll my eyes and start my car. It's deathly quiet because its radio is still hooked to my PearPod. "You and I are gonna take a trip to the mall," I tell her. "I need something nice for the party, something that will make everyone remember me." Cat fidgets with her seatbelt. "But why, Jade?" she questions. "People remember you already." I scoff at her ignorance and grip my steering wheel tighter. "Because, Cat," I start through gritted teeth, "This is the first time in years I've been without a boyfriend. I don't intend to stay single for long and a party's just the place for me to meet someone, if only for a night. Understand what I'm saying?"

Cat whimpers and nods. "Why couldn't we wait until after school?"

I slam my hands down on my dashboard and let out an annoyed scream. I turn to her with hatred in my blue-green eyes. "If you don't want to come, then _get the hell out of my car_!" I scream. Cat screams and curls into a ball, crying softly. I sigh and lower my eyes, feeling guilty. I reach my hand out to her and touch her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Cat," I breathe. "I didn't mean it; I'm just not in a good mood. You don't have to come if you don't want to, okay?"

Cat sniffles slightly then looks up at me with puffy eyes and a weak smile. "It'll be fun," she says. "Can I get something too? I have a little bit of money…"

I smile slightly to her and nod. "Sure, Cat."

_**~*You were my biggest mistake*~**_

Cat and I arrive at the mall maybe ten minutes after that. She bounces out of my car and screams how she has to pee. I roll my eyes, feeling a sense of déjà vu, then head inside after her. I wait for her to come out of the first bathroom in the mall then we head to PJ Kenny's. I'll let Cat get whatever she wants first.

She jumps up and down throughout the store, looking at the jewelry they have as well as the dresses. She ends up buying a $40 topless pink satin dress that comes to her knees and has a little bow on the hip. It's got dark pink polka dots on it too as well as ruffles at the bottom as well as the top.

It's perfect for her.

After she buys a little pink headband with a bow on top as well as a ring and a butterfly necklace, we head to Jasper's—my favorite, dark clothing store.

A dress would be too girly for me.

So after thirty minutes of searching for the perfect clothes while Cat cowered in fear behind me because of the "scary music and posters," I find this deliciously dark black-lace top with a dangerously plunging neckline and sinfully sweet black skinnies with holes cut all over the legs and knees. I also pick out a diamond studded bat necklace as well as a black-coated eyebrow ring.

While Cat's total comes up to $54, my total comes up to $260.

Nothing but the best when you use Daddy's credit card, right?

I check my phone after we leave the store and I've got two missed calls and four text messages. Make that five. The calls and the first three texts are from _him,_ while the last two texts are from André. I roll my eyes and don't bother to check _his_ messages and skip down to André's.

_9:30 AM, Nov 6_

_**Beck saw you leave school today and he told me he **_

_**texted you. He wants to know where you are and if **_

_**you're okay. He wants you to send him a text saying **_

_**so. Did you take Cat with you? No one can find her!**_

_10:00 AM, Nov 6_

_**I realize you don't want to talk about him, so I'm **_

_**sorry for bringing it up. I'm sorry things ended the **_

_**way they did and even though he's my best friend, **_

_**I want you to know you can talk to me if you need **_

_**to…or if you want to… Oh, and if Cat's with you, **_

_**tell her Robbie misses her.**_

I fight the urge to roll my eyes at André's sweetness. He's always so nice to me, even when I'm mean to him. I don't get it.

Then I smirk.

I could definitely use André to get back at _him_. I mean, what's better than getting back at your ex than by sleeping with his best friend? That'll be great!

I look to Cat who has her ear buds in her ear and is dancing and singing to a song on her PearPod. I pull one out of her ear and she looks at me. "What was that for?" she asks with slightly hurt eyes. I laugh softly.

"I wanted to know if you wanted some lunch," I tell her. Cat squeals in happiness and takes off for the Food Court. I laugh softly again and walk after her at my original pace.

It's funny how someone so small and bubbly can bring out the best in me, you know?

I get to her just as she's bouncing up to Chicken Chuck's and we order two chicken sandwiches, two fries, and two drinks before we pick a table under the ginormous skylight as we wait for our order. A few minutes later, the call out our number and Cat joyfully goes up to get it.

While she's gone, I take my opportunity to text André back.

_9:30 AM, Nov 6_

_**Beck saw you leave school today and he told me he **_

_**texted you. He wants to know where you are and if **_

_**you're okay. He wants you to send him a text saying **_

_**so. Did you take Cat with you? No one can find her!**_

_10:00 AM, Nov 6_

_**I realize you don't want to talk about him, so I'm **_

_**sorry for bringing it up. I'm sorry things ended the **_

_**way they did and even though he's my best friend, **_

_**I want you to know you can talk to me if you need **_

_**to…or if you want to… Oh, and if Cat's with you, **_

_**tell her Robbie misses her.**_

_10:45 AM, Nov 6_

_If you MUST know, Cat and I are at the mall because _

_she's helping me with something. Thank you for your_

_offer, Andre, it means a lot. I told Cat about Robbie. _

_Hey I was wondering, are you going to that party _

_Friday night?_

Cat comes back with our order just as André texts me back. I wait for her to hand me my food and start eating her own food before I text him back.

_9:30 AM, Nov 6_

_**Beck saw you leave school today and he told me he **_

_**texted you. He wants to know where you are and if **_

_**you're okay. He wants you to send him a text saying **_

_**so. Did you take Cat with you? No one can find her!**_

_10:00 AM, Nov 6_

_**I realize you don't want to talk about him, so I'm **_

_**sorry for bringing it up. I'm sorry things ended the **_

_**way they did and even though he's my best friend, **_

_**I want you to know you can talk to me if you need **_

_**to…or if you want to… Oh, and if Cat's with you, **_

_**tell her Robbie misses her.**_

_10:45 AM, Nov 6_

_If you MUST know, Cat and I are at the mall because _

_she's helping me with something. Thank you for your_

_offer, Andre, it means a lot. I told Cat about Robbie. _

_Hey I was wondering, are you going to that party _

_Friday night?_

_10:47 AM, Nov 6_

_**Nah, I can't. My parents are going outta town and **_

_**I gotta watch my grandma. Last time she was left **_

_**alone she ran out into the street trying to throw **_

_**Holy Water at the cars that were passing by. Sorry.**_

I grimace again. So much for _that_ plan. Oh well, I guess I can get him sooner or later. Revenge takes time.

I text him back something "nice" and put my phone face down on the table. I look up at Cat as she's finishing her chicken sandwich. Someone's a hungry girl today!

"Cat," I call in a sing-song voice. She looks at me with a wide smile. "Yeah?" she asks in her high-pitched voice. "André told _me_ to tell _you_ that Robbie _miss_es you." Cat starts laughing her little obnoxious laugh and picks up her drink. "He's so gross!" she exclaims as she grabs her straw and takes a sip. I chuckle at my _darling_ little redhead.

_**~*You were my biggest mistake*~**_

Cat and I spent the rest of Wednesday in the mall at one of those little kiddie stores that have a bunch of games and stuff as well as the arcade. Cat played in the ball pit more than anything and won two giant stuffed giraffes and a blow up guitar when we went to the arcade. I played a racing game with her and a round of baby golf—after scaring away the other little children _if_ I might add—and it was a fun, normal day.

Thursday I went back to school and avoided him all day. He tried to talk to me a few times, but I shrugged him off. When Cat told Vega about how I was going to the party with her, she tried to talk to me too. I let her talk, but I didn't talk back. Boys tried to talk to me now that I was single, but they were all _losers_ so I scared them away. André talked to me a lot too, sitting close to me at lunch and in our classes, probably trying to make sure I was 'okay.' The older Vega came around too, and she was still unbearably annoying, so we all kicked her away from us, refusing to talk to her as always.

And now it's Friday.

I go to school like I normally would and I spend time with my friends and less-than acquaintances. We all talk like normal and we even discuss the party. To my pleasure, _he_ isn't at lunch today because he's already left town. At least I get three days where I don't have to put up with him.

After school, I take Cat back to Vega's place and Robbie rides with Vega. I figure it'll be smart if the four of us only take one car to save the environment or whatever. Cat talks a lot about how close she and Robbie are starting to get and it slightly annoys me, but I'm honestly happy for her. I know how much she likes Robbie and if he likes her back then I hope they'll be happy together.

We all hang out at Vega's for a while as we wait and when we get ready to leave, I call shotgun so Cat and Robbie can have some time together in the backseat. Vega tries to start a conversation with me, but I don't respond to her. Casual conversation isn't my thing.

Twenty minutes later she pulls up to this huge mansion in a part of town I've never been before. It stands at least four stories high—I don't know for sure because it's so dark—and the grass is neatly cut with styled bushes all around the front lawn.

"Whose house is this?" I ask as Tori parks in front of a large line of cars that's already stretching down two blocks. Tori smiles softly. "It's my cousin's best friend's sister's house," she answers. "She invites me every year but I never wanted to go; none of my Sherwood friends would have wanted to come with me."

"So you actually _had_ friends at your old school?" I ask mockingly. She sneers as we step out of the car. "You're so not funny Jade," she tells me. I scoff and walk with her, Cat, and Robbie to the front door. I hear footsteps behind us and I quickly turn around to see someone dash into the bushes. I roll my eyes and turn back around.

It's probably just Vega's stupid older sister who invited her stupid self to this stupid party.

Once we get inside, Vega breaks away from the three of us and Cat walks with Robbie away from me. I stand there with my arms crossed, examining the place.

The carpets are white and stream from door to door. There's a large staircase and that's painted white as well as the walls. Photos of blonde girls and raven haired girls each with big blue eyes hang on the walls, looking down on the people who are already here and partying with red cups full of booze in their hands. There are also a bunch of trophy cases filled with shiny trophies, knick-knacks, and precious china.

It would be a _shame_ if those broke.

I scan the den full of partygoers on bright white couches and loveseats sipping beer and laughing loudly with whomever they sit by. There's a guy, probably in his twenties, sitting in a single chair by himself and holding a red cup. He's got shaggy blonde hair that's cut short atop big brown eyes full of excitement. His lips are pressed into a tight line as he stares at the innards of his cup.

He looks like a good potential one-night-stand.

Slowly, I make my way to him.

He lifts his head to me as I approach and a smile creeps across his face. "Hello, lovely," he greets. I stop walking and I feel my insides melt. His voice is smooth and warm and he's got a wonderful, subtle accent, like he's from England or something. It's hard to tell from only two words.

"Hey, yourself," I retort, taking a seat on the arm chair. "What's your name?" He chuckles slightly at me before answering. There's a certain cockiness in that chuckle and those eyes of his.

I don't like it.

"The name's Blake," he tells me sweetly. "What name does an angel like yourself have?" I fake a smile and fight another urge to roll my eyes. Someone's trying to be a sweet talker today isn't he?

"They call me Jade," I retort. "So what are you doing at a party like this?" He shrugs slightly and looks at the cup in his hand again. "I was invited by a friend," he begins, "So I thought I would find some people interested in being in a movie of mine." My eyes light up with curiosity. "A director, huh?" I question. "That's cool. What kind of movie are you making?"

He smiles softly at me. "A comedy," he answers. "I'm looking for a gorgeous woman to play the strong, independent, female lead." My fake smile drops into a sneer. "Comedies aren't my thing," I tell him. I move to get off the chair when Blake's arm shoots out to grab my wrist tightly.

I look back at him with dark eyes and he loosens his grip without letting go. He stands up, standing maybe 6 feet even to look down on me, and looks me in the eyes. "I'm sure I could re-write it to…better suit your…desires," he says with flirting eyes. I glare at him, not buying into his story. "Doubt it," I spit as I yank my arm from his grasp.

I walk away from him to another part of the house to get a drink.

Blake's not my one-night-stand.

_**~*You were my biggest mistake*~**_

I spend the next hour in the kitchen, talking with guys who look like they're in college. They all smile at me and I can see the lust in their eyes as I bend over the kitchen table, giving them a better shot at my cleavage. Not to be racist, but most of them were skinny white boys and definitely not my type. There a few black guys there that were muscly with corn rows and such, but I didn't like the way they acted. I didn't like the way any of the guys around me acted to be honest, but beggars can't be choosers.

Occasionally I look up from my crowd of doting pigs to see Blake standing around with another drink in his hand. Maybe it's the same one and he's just taking forever to drink it.

Maybe I don't care.

"This party's getting kinda lame," I announce with a playful smile to my group of horny followers. "Who's packing?" They all start chattering while they look at me, some claiming they're packing a good time for me in their pants while the others say they've got stuff at home. Pfft, like I'm _really_ gonna go to one of these losers' houses.

"I've got something to liven the party," a voice calls out to me.

I've determined that his accept is Australian. Barely, but I've determined it.

I look to see the shaggy blonde, brown-eyed 'director' sauntering up to me now that he's got my attention. I grimace at him and I think about leaving my group of guys, but curiosity gets the better of me.

"State your business," I allow with a plastered, flirting smile.

Blake pushes two boys out of the way so that he's standing directly in front of me. He holds out a bag with a bunch of little white pills with red hearts on them. I raise my eyebrow in curiosity. "You have my interest," I tell him. "Talk."

"E, X, whatever alphabet letter you want to call it," he starts, "It's a happy pill. Take one and you'll have a hell of a party even when this one is over." I smirk at him. He might be cocky, but he's definitely got the right stuff. I hold my hand out to him. "Give," I demand.

He starts to hand me the bag but I quickly snatch it from him and dump at least ten in my hand. "Ah, ah, ah, Sugar," he halts. "One is all you need to be higher than a kite, lovely." I glare at him and pour nine of them back into the little baggy. I pop the last one into my mouth and toss the bag back at him. I dry swallow the pill and look back to Blake with a still raised eyebrow and a narrowed glance.

"Why don't you join me on the dance floor, Sugar?" Blake questions. I grimace at him. "Call me 'Sugar' one more time and I'll cut your nuts off," I threaten. He smirks. "Alright then, _Jade_," he starts as he holds his hand out to me. "Join me on the dance floor?" As much as I dislike this cocky prick, he does have a way with persuasion.

I take his hand, much to the dismay of my surrounders, and we make our way into the living room/den/whatever to have a dance. The music blares around us, but I finally start to realize that I don't care. I manage to find myself pressing my body against his as his hands grab me and we grind to the beat of whatever song's playing.

In the blink of an eye, Blake has me pinned to the wall and he's kissing my neck. Then there's a red cup in my hand and my lips are pressed to his as I'm clinging to his jacket. Cat comes up to me at one point in the night and asks me what I'm doing with him. We talk for a bit and I remember her crying.

I remember my body burning with the high of the ecstasy and I just _wanted_ Blake right then and there. I remember telling him that and I remember him suggesting we get out of there. I remember Cat begging me not to go before I left, but I ignore her. I remember speeding away in his fancy sports car.

God…I remember ever touch…

When we get back to his house, Blake throws me against his wall—he doesn't even have the decency to take me to the bedroom!—and he starts ripping at my clothes. He bites my neck, scratches my arms with those greasy fingers of his, and he…God it's awful to say!

I-I remember screaming for him to get off me, but he wouldn't listen to me. I remember trying to push him away, to get him the _hell_ off me, but he stayed. I wasn't a virgin before I met Blake, but I remember bleeding. I don't remember where I bled and I don't remember why. I remember the searing pain of it.

I remember wanting to die.

When it was over, God when it was over, I remember he threw me out of his house calling me a slut and a tramp among other things and he told me I should walk home and I could "use the exercise."

It wasn't until he slammed the door in my face that I remember crying…

I couldn't help it! Jade West doesn't fucking cry, but I cried. I was in pain and I felt dirty. The world was in a blur, and I felt dirty. I remember looking around trying to figure out where I was, but I couldn't figure it out.

I was in a place I never knew before…and I was dirty…

I remember walking, endless walking, trying to get back to where I was. I don't remember the dark trees or the dark streets that passed me by. I don't remember much of my walk and I didn't care.

I remember the pain of the cold air stinging me and burning wherever I was bleeding.

I remember winding up at someone's door that wasn't my own and I remember crying even more. I don't remember speaking though…

I remember waking up the next morning with André Harris lying beside me.


	5. The Sharpest Lives

"_**Chapter 4 – The Sharpest Lives"**_

"_Well it rains and it pours when you're out on your own. If I crash on the couch can I sleep in my clothes, 'cause I'm drunk, I suppose. If it looks like I'm laughing I'm really just asking to leave this alone." –My Chemical Romance_

That night I had to drive my drunken sister home. But not only did I have to drive Tori home, I had to drive a crying Cat and a ridiculously drunk Robbie home as well. I dropped Robbie off first because Cat decided to stay the night with us because her parents were out of town and her brother was at his girlfriend's house. I miss the nights when Cat used to stay the night with me; I miss those nights and how our friendship used to be…

It was a hell of a time trying to sneak my drunk little sister up to her room because she continued to trip and fall over everything in sight _then_ proceeded to laugh obnoxiously loud about it. I'm glad Francesca and Olivia—my youngest twin sisters—aren't home to see or hear this. I know I'm obnoxious but Tori was _ridiculous_.

The next morning, Tori wakes up with a monster hangover and Cat wants to bug the crap out of her about it. Not only does Cat scream at Tori with a wild grin, but she also makes as much noise as possible around Tori. Luckily, my parents don't question us; they're used to my normal, daily obnoxiousness.

After breakfast and after my dad leaves for work and my mom leaves for her dancercise class, I steal Cat's phone while she's yelling in Tori's ear about how her brother stole her book bag once, marinated it, and threw it to a pack of wild dogs for a science project. I quickly scan through her contacts to find the name I'm searching for. I tap it and wait for her to pick up.

"_Hello?_" a male voice calls out. He sounds familiar, but I don't think I know who it is. "Who is this?" I ask. "Where's Jade?"

"_Sleeping_," he retorts. "_Who's this? You don't sound like Cat_." I roll my eyes. "Of course I'm not Cat," I spit. "I'm Trina. Now who are you?" The guy sighs on the other line and pauses for a moment. "_It's André_," he tells me. "_Hey, look. Jade's not feeling so hot. I'll tell her you called askin' 'bout her, but I gotta let her sleep. I'll see you at school Monday_." I groan loudly and tap the button to hang up the phone. I place it back on the table just as Cat comes jumping and skipping to the table.

She smiles at me, but it quickly goes away as she looks me dead in the eye. "What's wrong?" she asks softly. I sigh and look to my hands. "I'm worried about Jade," I admit. "That guy she left with last night was bad news." I look up to her with hopeful eyes. "Did you talk to her last night?"

Cat shakes her head solemnly. "I tried calling her," she tells me, "But she never picked up. I tried texting her but she never texted back."

I get up from the table, holding my head in my hands. I can't deal with this right now. I can't _help_ but think the worst. What if Jade got hurt like I did? What if he dropped her off in some back alley where she wandered alone until she wound up at Andre's house? What if she isn't as lucky as I was and gets pregnant? What if she catches something from Blake? He doesn't look that clean. What if he hurt her severely and André doesn't know? What if she's in the hospital right now and Andre's covering for her?

Why did I let this happen? _Why_ did I let this happen?

"I'm gonna go out for a bit," I inform Cat when I turn back to her. "Can you handle being home alone with Tori without driving her insane?" Cat giggles softly, her cheek-bones high in her grin, and she nods. "Yeah, yeah," she breathes. I smile warmly and pull Cat into a hug. She's totally gonna drive Tori insane. She hugs me back though and I head off.

Along the way that new Katy Perry song plays on the radio—Part of Me or Piece of Me or something—the one that's supposedly about her bad marriage with Russell Brand. As much as the song fits, I don't want to listen to it; it's stupid. I turn my radio down all the way and continue on to Andre's house. I've only been to his house once and that was two years ago. Hopefully I'll still remember where it is.

_**~*You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose*~**_

After peering through neighborhoods and staring intently at houses to try and see if they look familiar, I see André on his front lawn calling out to his grandmother. She has a small flask in her hands and she's throwing it around, letting something fly out of it.

"Grandma, stop!" André pleads. She doesn't listen though. When she sees me roll up in my car, she starts throwing whatever's in the flask at me. "Demon be gone!" she screams loudly enough to scare the birds. I scream in fear and scoot away from her after unbuckling my seatbelt. "You let go of that little girl you monster!"

"Grandma, cut it out!" André begs as he runs up to her. He grabs her arm as she gets ready to throw more—water, I guess—against my window. "She's okay, Grandma. It's not hurting her. It was just about to let her out." André nods his head at the door behind me and I shakily grab for the door handle. I fall out of the car and gasp loudly as my back hits the pavement. I stand up on wobbly legs though and hold up my hands. "I-I'm okay!" I stutter out.

Andre's grandma lowers her flask and her face calms down. That lasts for only a moment though. Her head snaps around with wild eyes and her body starts to shake. "What am I doing outside?" she asks loudly. She snatches her arm from André and runs back inside, slamming the door along the way.

André sighs and looks to me. "What do you want Trina?" he asks tiredly. I lower my hands and shut my car door, walking around the front to face him. "I came to see Jade," I answer, staring at him intently. "I need to know she's okay."

André chuckles and looks away from me for a second. "I told you she's fine," he repeats. He looks back to me. "She's sleeping though. She had a rough night last night. She just had too much to drink, that's all." I cross my arms. "Then let me see her," I demand. "Let me make sure that's all that happened."

André crosses his arms too, looking at me angrily. He purses his lips and continues to try and stare me down. He hopes I'll go away if I break eye contact. I've had to deal with three little sisters though, and I've learned to stave off their stares; I've learned to win.

He caves under my glare and turns to his house. "Follow me," he says dejectedly. I smirk to myself once he turns around and I follow him to his front door. I like getting what I want.

But once we get to the front porch and André turns the handle, he shakes it in annoyance and slaps his hand down on his thigh. "I left my key inside!" he exclaims to the door. I cross my arms as he starts to bang rapidly on the door. "Hey, Grandma!" he calls loudly. "Grandma, open the door!"

Over his banging on the door, I hear a few smashes and crashes inside the house as well as Andre's grandma screaming, "I don't know you!" over and over. Two seconds later, Jade rips the door open with a scowl. Small bruises are starting to form on her face and neck and on most of the skin exposed by her black tank top. Her make-up is strewn all down her cheeks and her hair is wild from a night of being thrown around.

Oh my god…

I push André out of the way. "What happened to you, Jade?" I question in fear as I step inside the house. Jade backs at least four feet away from me in one stride. "I tripped on the way here," she tells me.

Liar.

"What's it to you, Vega?"

I roll my eyes. "What's it to _me_?" I repeat loudly. "I _know_ who you went home with last night, Jade, but I _don't_ know what you two did." Anger rages across Jade's face and she throws me against the wall, pinning me by my shoulders. "You don't know what the _hell_ you're talking about," she hisses through gritted teeth. "I started to walk home because Tori was _so_ piss-drunk and André found me while he was looking for his grandmother."

She drops her hands and steps back. Her eyes scan me up and down quickly. "I _saw_ you with a drink in your hand," she points out. "Maybe it wasn't your first one. Maybe you had a few too many and you _think_ you saw me leave with some guy. Maybe you were _so drunk_ that you saw someone that looked like me getting into a car with a guy—_any guy_—and you thought I'd be in trouble."

She turns from me with her arms crossed.

"You should leave."

I sigh and cross my arms, staring at Jade with worried eyes. "Please, Jade," I beg. "I know something happened; you didn't leave that party by yourself and I can physically see something happened. Why won't you let me help you?"

Jade slams me against the wall again with a loud, angry scream. "I don't need your help!" she screams. She pushes me toward the door and I barely miss hitting André. "Get _out_!"

I sigh dejectedly and head out the house before anyone else can say anything to me. I slam the door behind me and storm off to my car. No one bothers coming out after me.

Good…

Once in my car, I let out a loud scream/sigh and shake my steering wheel roughly before resting my forehead on the top of it. _How_ could he do this? How could he just waltz right back into _my life_ and take someone _I_ know? I mean, God knows what he did to her! Well, it's obvious they had sex…but what else did he do? There are bruises all over Jade; even if she decided to walk—if she left wherever Blake took her—how did she get those bruises? God, what if he abandoned her and she got attacked by someone or some_thing_ else?

Why did I let this happen…?

_**~*You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose*~**_

I cried for a few minutes in Andre's driveway, but I didn't care if he, Jade or his grandma saw me. Then I drove back home where the twins were running around arguing over something. Cat's little pink travel bag that she keeps her toothbrush, hair brush, and good luck charm bracelet in is on the kitchen counter. She's probably going to stay here all weekend like she used to do when we were younger. She and Tori are probably upstairs doing whatever.

But me, I'm still upset about the Jade-Blake-party thing. So as soon as I get home, I plop down on the couch and flip on the TV. I'll need something to get my mind of things.

Just saying.

I start watching this show about this kid who's in love with this vampire but she doesn't see it. Apparently she's only half a vampire though but her best friend is a vampire. The kid can supposedly see the future and his best friend's grandma is a witch.

It's pretty weird.

I end up watching the show from start to finish when I hear a knock on my door. I groan loudly and pull a pillow over my face. "Someone, get the _door_," I groan out. I hear an exasperated little sigh as well as heavy, stomping footsteps. "You're so _lazy_, Trina!" Olivia cries out. I scoff loudly. "We'll, you're annoying so get the door and shut up," I spit. Olivia gives out an annoyed sigh and continues to the door. She's not annoying; I just need to keep up appearances.

"Can I help you?" she asks once she opens the door. I hear a small chuckle.

"I'm here to see Trina."

I shoot up into a sitting position and the pillow falls to the floor with a soft thud.

Not here…


	6. Some Things Just Don't Wash Out

**A/N: Hey, it's me, BelletheWickedWitch (formerly WellNowWhat)! For those of you who don't know, I wrote the prologue to this story, and I'm writing this fun little bit, simply because I was naggy and insisted that I wrote it because some things had to happen for me in my mind with this story that I have no idea if Skye would have ended up putting in or not, so I insisted. Not to say that SkyeVenomatic isn't an absolutely phenomenal writer, because she's definitely one of the best on here, without a doubt. Seriously, check out "How Do You Love Someone" (and "Pictures," for all you Degrassi fans!). (I have to say that – she has editing privileges!) I only wrote this up until the line ****_I had the same shirt at home_****, though, because I went on vacation. That's why this hasn't been updated. So blame me. I'm so sorry. But hey – if all goes well, you may be hearing from me yet again!**

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><p><strong><em>"Chapter 5 – Some Things Just Don't Wash Out"<em>**

_"For too long now I've sung the same sad song. But I didn't even write it, I was just singing along. But the problem with change is it's hard…like finding lively conversation in graveyards." – You, Me, & Everyone We Know_

If everything I remembered hadn't kept playing in my head, I never would have woken up.

More memories came to me as I slept, but they were splotchy and few of them made sense; maybe some of them were my imagination. Shakily, I remember walking home from Vega's friend's whatever's house clinging to myself and trying not to cry.

Part of me wanted to go to Beck, but Jade West doesn't go crying to her ex when things get tough.

That, and Beck is still in Canada.

I…I ended up on Andre's doorstep and knocking on the door. I cried—Jade West freaking cried—when he opened the door and he put his arms around me. We didn't speak to each other and he led me to some room.

Then Andre's face melted away, leaving behind a dirty Australian. He set me down on the bed and put his face close to mine. I tried to scream but he put his hand over my mouth and smirked at me.

"I'll see you at school Monday."

Waking up is a weird experience.

I shake myself away from sleep and open my eyes. As I see Andre's worried expression looking back at me, two thoughts crossed my mind. First: last night was a dream and I'd decided to go through with my plan to sleep with André so I could get back at Beck.

But my body hurts…

I could feel the claw marks and bruises on my arm; I could still smell the lingering tobacco in my hair that probed otherwise.

My second thought: it hadn't been the obnoxious Australian hurting me last night; it was André… I think of the dream where Andre's calm eyes melted away into Blake's sinister glare.

I shake that theory away though; last night was real and André could never hurt anyone like that.

I know my shirt got torn last night, but I'm wearing my black tank top instead. I feel like my legs are bare; I don't even remember if I left Blake's house with pants on.

I roll onto my back and stare blankly at the ceiling.

This doesn't make sense.

This stuff doesn't happen to me.

I'm _Jade West_! I'm not the sort of person who gets…

My eyes start watering, I guess. I don't cry, though; Jade West _doesn't_ cry. No one lives to tell any different. That girl who cried last night on Andre's doorstep was _not_ Jade West. He thinks I'm about to cry again, though, so he puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. Involuntarily, I recoil from his touch. He probably figured it out last night.

I don't know if he'd figured it out when he brought me to this room last night or if he had just realized it from my actions, but when I look into his eyes I can see that _he knows_.

He knows what happened to me…

"What happened last night?" I ask softly, looking back to the ceiling. André sighs and I feel new movement. "Why don't you tell me?" he asks in response. "I ain't gonna tell nobody, but you were crying at my door last night…" I sigh dejectedly and open my mouth to say something when a loud scream pierces the air.

André jumps off the bed and runs to help his grandmother. Or whatever it is he does to make her normal. I hear him yelling out to his grandma, but I can't make out the words. She screams out "demon, be gone," followed by something else I can't hear.

**_~*I've been dying to know what getting clean is all about*~_**

I must have dozed off a bit, because a loud banging on the door startles me awake. He yells out to his grandma, but she doesn't do anything. Groggily, I climb out of Andre's bed and stagger to the door. My perception is still…off and I end up knocking things over and breaking them. I see Andre's grandma cowering by a couch and she looks over to me, shaking violently.

"I don't know you!" she screams. I roll my eyes as she continues to scream it and progress to the door. I open the door to find probably the last person in the world I wanted to see standing beside him.

Well, next to last…

Trina Vega pushes André out of the way and looks me over with worried eyes. "What happened to you, Jade?" she practically screams in fear, her eyes begging for an explanation. She steps inside the house and I back away from her, at least five or six feet, in one swift movement. "I tripped," I lie flatly, spitting out the first thing that comes to mind, "…on the way here."

It's none of her damn business anyway.

She opens her mouth to say something else—she doesn't believe me—so I quickly cut her off. "What's it to you, Vega?" I blurt out. She shouldn't be here! I shouldn't be having this conversation. I shouldn't be talking about something that _just_ happened. I don't want to talk about it with _anyone_.

Vega rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. "What's it to _me_?" she repeats loudly like the drama queen she is. "I know who you went home with last night, Jade, but I don't know what you two did."

Who does she think she is? She thinks she knows what happened to me.

She doesn't.

I end up throwing Trina against the wall and pinning her by her shoulders. I start telling her off through gritted teeth, telling her she's making false accusations. Jade West likes false accusations just about as much as she likes people in her business.

I blame Tori for being drunk. I tell her I decided to walk home because Tori wouldn't be able to drive and André was out looking for his grandmother.

My grip tightens on her and I feel it. I feel my face falter when I realize what I'm doing…

I drop my hands and back a reasonable distance away from Trina. I scan her up and down quickly, a common intimidation factor. Then I make my own accusations. I comment on how I saw Trina drinking as well. I suggest she might have been buzzed and imagined that a girl who looked like me got into a car with a guy she more than likely knew. It's a lie…and a false accusation…but Jade West is big on double standards.

I have to make her think she's at fault…that she's making this up. I can see it in her eyes that she thinks I'm a dumb slut, getting myself drugged and going home with a stranger.

Jade West is _not_ a slut.

I glare coldly at her then look away from her, crossing my arms. "You should leave," I spit. She doesn't though. She begs me to listen to her, that I'm the one who's wrong here, but I can't. She doesn't know what happened, and there's no way she'd understand.

She…she thinks _she_ can help _me_?

I slam Vega against the wall again with a loud, angry scream. Why can't she just leave me alone and let me forget! I want to forget!

"I don't need your help!" I scream. Then I practically throw her out of the house, barely allowing her to miss a dumbfounded and shocked André.

"Get _out_!"

She sighs dejectedly and leaves the house, slamming the door behind her as she storms out to her car.

Good…

I don't need her here reminding me I made a mistake. Jade West doesn't make mistakes, dammit! But…I know I made a mistake; there's no way I can forget this. Jade West doesn't make mistakes, though.

So who am I?

I stand there for a moment, contemplating the answer when I feel Andre's hand on my shoulder. My legs give out and I sink to my knees. He comes down with me to soften my fall and pulls me to him. My back is to him and my head falls into his neck. My body stiffens at his touch, but I refuse to move. He loosens his grip on me instead, while resting his cheek against my hair.

I don't know how he's able to be so perfectly comforting…

I don't cry. I refuse to. I'm not supposed to be the kind of person who cries. Then again, I'm not supposed to be the kind of person who…either…

"You can't let him get away with this," André snarls quietly into my hair.

"I know," I whisper in agreement. I do, though. But first, I have something else that needs to be done. I've had enough talks with my mom about what to do if I…

"Do you wanna go to the police or hospital?" he asks, calmer this time.

"Hospital," I choke out, partially letting myself admit it, "I need…to get a…kit."

The world shifts around me in a blur as André helps me up. We both walk to his car and he unlocks the passenger's door after getting into the front seat. My hands move through a haze as I climb in, close the door, and fasten my seat belt. Images of getting into that car last night flash through my head.

Oh, God…

I gulp and take in a deep breath.

That man is going to _rot_ in hell for what he did to me. I _will_ make sure of it.

The hospital was almost a weirder experience than waking up. We went into the wrong entrance, for starters, and I refused to speak. André tried to do all the talking, but he ended up stumbling over everything. Though my mind mentally blotted out that specific word, I probably would have laughed at him had I been in my usual state of mind.

But now was not a laughing matter.

The haze clouding my vision softened once André and I were finally escorted to a room. But when the doctor came in, he made André wait outside. I was led to a curtain and told to take off all my clothes. My hands shook as I changed into a hospital gown and lay down on the bed. Once I did, the doctor told me to spread my legs.

I didn't want him touching me.

I was scared. Jade West doesn't _do_ scared. But I was here and letting this man that called himself a doctor touch me so that I could take that Australian bastard down and make him pay for what he did.

I had to buck up and deal with it.

They took my clothes and various samples from my body for traces of his DNA, as well as taking pictures. I swear, if those pictures end up anywhere…

Once it's over, a nurse hands me a pair of too-big-for-me guy jeans, a belt, and a baggy t-shirt with 'Hollywood Arts Presents: Uptown, Downtown' scrawled across it. She had apparently told André to bring me a change of clothes, and that's what he'd been doing instead of waiting outside like a silly.

I have the same shirt at home...

**_~*I've been dying to know what getting clean is all about*~_**

André asks me if I want to go home as soon as I'm dressed, but I decline. I'd rather not face my mother right now. If I'm lucky enough, she'll call me later. I doubt she knows I'm even gone, though.

Instead, he takes me back to his house. He thinks I didn't notice, but I saw something in his eyes as he drove me from the hospital. He's keeping something from me.

When we get back to his house, I don't see anything unusual in his driveway, so that eliminates one suspicion. Then André and I go to his room where he sits on the floor while I sit on the bed and we watch a movie. We watch _Somebody Help Me_, which is odd because André doesn't look like a guy that likes horror movies…

Before the credits are about to roll, Andre's grandma screams which causes me to jump slightly since I'm not really myself today. I swear to _God_ I hear André chuckle and I narrow my eyes at him as he rises to his feet.

I cross my arms and follow three steps behind him with a raised brow, trying to figure out what's going on. I see his grandmother dart into another room from the corner of my eye and grimace.

I get to the couch by the time André gets to the door and I stop there. When André opens the door and I see that well-coiffed hair, I grab a pillow and throw it at the both of them, hoping to hit _him_.

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><p><em><strong>The end is a little rushed because it's late, I'm tired, I really wanted to get this up, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. Buuut, I'm going to keep it like this and start working on the next chapter tomorrow maybe. Again, the majority of this chapter was written by BelleTheWickedWitch, so go check her stories out!<strong>_

_**Until next time,**_

_**Skye**_


	7. Skin & Bones

**_Oh hi. It's been a while since I uploaded a chapter for this story. I've been busy with college and I had writer's block for the longest time, but that doesn't matter now because I have the chapter out!_**

**_Hopefully she won't change her name anymore, but this story is co-written with BelleTheWickedWitch (previously WellNowWhat and GiveMeSomethingToBelieveIn). If you want to co-write a story with me, I'm always up for it, just saying._**

**_So in case you forgot, Olivia is Trina and Tori's little sister. She has a twin named Francesca and I created both of them because they add to the story. So if that confused you, that's why they're here. _**

**_Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and stuck with me through this. There's still a lot more of the story to go, just saying._**

**_Uh, I feel like I should tell you guys something else, but I don't know what it is. So instead, I'll tell you all to go listen to Marianas Trench because they're an amazing band. They make me wish I was Canadian!_**

**_Alright, enough of that. I hope you enjoy the chapter and leave a review telling me what you think! Be safe, lovelies._**

**_-Skye_**

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><p><strong><em>"Chapter 6 – Skin &amp; Bones"<em>**

_"It only hurt a bit; I still feel like shit. And I think you won't be able to recognize me now. It's easier to quit; it's harder to admit and you're pushing me…you're fucking pushing me…" – Marianas Trench_

Without thinking, I'm on my feet and I dash over to Olivia, pushing her out of the way. "Go to your room!" I shout, not taking my eyes off the monster at my door. I didn't want him to ever see her!

Blake chuckles once more, keeping his eyes locked on mine.

"She can stay," he suggests. "I promise I don't bite."

I feel my blood boiling under my skin and my hands automatically ball into fists, almost breaking the remote in my left hand. I'm literally one more word away from punching him in the face…

"Olivia," I strain with clenched teeth, still keeping my eyes on Blake, "If you don't go to your room right now, I'll tell Mom you were the one that broke the pictures over the fireplace."

"But I didn't—"

I cut Olivia off by chucking the remote at the fireplace and knocking down everything on top of it. Glass shatters all over the floor and two frames slide away from the fireplace. Olivia screams and dashes up the stairs, leaving me alone with the monster in my doorway.

"You're still as cute as I remember," Blake tells me smoothly as he crosses his arms with an amused smirk.

That tears it.

How _dare_ he? Who was he to come to _my house_ and _degrade me_ even more than he did so many years ago?

Before I could even register what I was doing, my fist collided with his face. He staggers backwards for a step or two but quickly regains his composure and holds the spot where I hit him.

"That wasn't very nice," he taunts with a grimace.

"Get out of here," I growl with a sneer. "Stay away from me, my family, _and_ my friends."

Blake raises a dirty blonde eyebrow at me and smirks slightly as he continues to hold my face. "Friends?" he questions in that stupid…sexy accent of his. "I haven't really spoken much with anyone in town yet, but I did meet a delightfully _dark _young lady Friday night." He chuckles softly, staring deep into my eyes. "She wasn't nearly as beautiful as you."

Despite everything, I blush slightly and look away from him. A compliment is a compliment…even from a skeez like him.

Then I come to my senses.

"You stay away from her!" I scream, turning back to him with fiery eyes. "Stay away from me and go crawl under that hole you came from!" I try to slam the door in his face, but he blocks it with his hands.

"Hold on there, little lady," he breathes. I keep my body pressed against the door, refusing to let him inside. "You don't have to let me in, nor do you have to look at me when I talk to you, but I have something serious to say."

"Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it!" I shout. He starts to say something, but I practically body slam the door shut and I miss what he said.

"Go _away_!" I scream. "You're not welcome here!"

"Trina?" Tori calls from the top of the stairs. I gasp and look up to her worried brown eyes. "Is everything okay?" Her voice is frightened and her hands grip the railing tightly.

I can't have Tori knowing about him…

"Yeah," I lie with an annoyed scoff. "It was just this freak I met at the park the other day. He keeps following me everywhere trying to ask me out like he _actually_ has a shot at perfection." I motion my hands up and down my body and Tori rolls her eyes. She heads back up the stairs without another word and screams two seconds later.

Cat probably jumped out at her to scare her like she used to do with me. Even in the same house, just a few feet away, I'm so distant from the girl I once called my best friend. I see her every day at school and sometimes on the weekend…but I really miss her…

With a deep sigh, I slowly turn around and contemplate opening the door. What if I did and he was still there? Would I hit him again? Yes. Would I _want_ to? Maybe. Then again, what _would_ I want if I opened that door? Would I want him to kiss me? Would I _want_ his greasy hands all over my body again? I feel like…I feel like I _want_ him…and I know I shouldn't. As much as I hate him, and even after all he's done to me and Jade, I can't forget what we did; I can't forget how I hoped I was good enough or how I thought I wanted to love him back then.

My mom used to tell me you never forget your first time and it would be with someone I would love even if I didn't know I loved them…

No, that's _stupid_! I can't love Blake; I can't. He hasn't changed though… He's still so handsome…so dashing…so charming. No way! Why would I _ever_ want to love someone so…so…_ugh_! I'm so messed up for actually _wanting_ his hands in my hair…or his body against mine…or his lips crashing down on my—

_No!_ This isn't _right_. I can't think about this! My mom always says you never forget your first time, but I want to forget him! I don't want another stupid thought about Blake Hitchcock as long as I live! I don't even want to think about loving him!

Without thinking, I dart up the stairs and head to my room. I don't have to think about him if I'm in my room; I'm always safe there. After I slam the door shut, I fall onto my bed and grab the remote from my bedside table. I turn on the TV and some stupid music video is playing. I don't ever watch this stupid channel; I only play it loudly and jam my headphones in my ears so no one will bother me.

Right now I don't care if I'm alone or not, so long as it gets my mind off him. I start flipping through channels until I stop on the LMN channel. Sometimes I like watching Lifetime movies, especially when I'm bored. Right now, there's this movie with Jennie Garth in it. Deciding I'm too lazy to change the channel, I let it stay here.

For an hour and a half, I watch this movie. Apparently it's called _Girl, Positive_ and it's about this girl who finds out she got HIV from all the unprotected sex she had; it's basically just one big PSA for HIV really. Oh, but what's a Lifetime movie without cheesy relationship drama? I guess aside from the majority of the movie being centered on the girl's budding relationship with her neighbor, it was a really good movie. The girl spread awareness about HIV and made all the students (sexually active and not) think about their lives and how to protect themselves.

But wait… That could happen to _me_. Oh God… What if…what if it has? No, no, no! What if I have HIV? I can't! I can't…but…I'd know if I did, though, right? I mean…it's been four years and I'd know if I had it by—what if you can't tell the signs? No, no, no! This isn't good. What if it takes a long time to—what if I'm _dying_? I can't tell my mom I'm…I can't even tell her what happened to me. Oh my God…what if that's the serious thing Blake wanted to talk about? What if he's dying and he's worrying I'm dying too? Does that mean he cares if I'm—

_Oh my God_…

"_Mom?_" I scream as I shoot to my feet. I rip my door open and peer down the hallway. "Mom?!" I dash out of my room and descend the stairs three at a time. "Mom, where are you?"

"What is it, Trina?" my mother calls as she opens the door to the basement. "I was in the middle of my new exercise routine." I rush up to her and hug her tightly, burying my head in the sweaty space between her head and shoulder. She's shocked at first, but quickly hugs me back. "What's wrong, baby?" she asks worriedly. My body starts to ache and a sob escapes my lips.

I quickly pull away from her and wipe my eyes, breathing deeply. "I…need to talk to you…alone," I respond quietly. My mother nods with a pained look on her face and she leads me downstairs. "Your father is doing errands so we've got some time," she tells me. I grimace at her sentence, but don't let her see; I don't want to think about what—no, stop!

"So what's wrong, baby?" she asks as soon as we're downstairs. She pulls a beanbag chair from beside the dryer and gestures for me to sit down. I do and she sits beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I take in a deep breath, preparing for the worst. So many thoughts run through my head: Will she think I'm a whore? Will she hate me for lying to her for all this time? Would she go after him and beat him to a pulp? Would she make dad arrest him?

"You remember…that audition I had four years ago…after I got into Hollywood Arts?" I ask in a near-silent voice. I don't know how to put this into words; how can I find the right words to say?

"Of course I do, baby," my mother responds skeptically. "What about it?" Tears start to threaten my eyes, but I fight them back. I keep my eyes locked on the floor in front of me; I…I can't look at her and say this…

"The…the director..." I begin. A lump starts to form in my throat and I desperately try to force it down; it's finally time for me to get this off my chest. "When…you left me alone with him, he came on to me. He…he put his hands all over me…and he—" I try to finish it, but I can't. My body feels like it wants to collapse through my shuddering sobs. That night flashes in my head and it's the second time I've relived that night in just two days.

Wordlessly, my mother pulls me close to her and wraps her arms around my body, allowing me to press my head against her chest and cry. I try not to let out loud sobs, but a few escape as my tears fall onto her sweaty skin. Then…I start to hear soft sobs and I know they're not from me. I pull away from her only slightly and look up to see my mom crying softly with her eyes clenched shut.

This is the first time I've ever seen my mother cry…and it's all because of me…

Mom takes in a deep breath and wipes away the tears before she looks down at me. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I didn't know how," I whisper back. "Please don't tell Dad…"

Her grip tightens around me. "We have to tell your father!" she hisses. "That bastard hurt my baby! If your father won't do anything about him then I will!"

I shoot up from the beanbag chair, which was terribly difficult, and clench my head tightly. "No!" I cry out as I start to pace back and forth. "I don't want anyone else to know! You can't tell Dad; you _can't_!"

My mother climbs to her feet with determined eyes. "Trina, we have to," she defies. "What he did was illegal and we can put him away for a long time so he can never do this to anyone again. Don't you—"

"No, I don't!" I scream. I feel new sets of tears coming and I can feel my face getting hot. "I don't want anyone to know what happened to me! _Please_ don't say anything to anyone…" My mother sighs softly and steps to me. She encompasses me into a warm, reassuring hug and sighs. She realizes I won't budge on my decision and she respects that. She pauses before she speaks, unsure of what to say to me.

"Alright," she breathes. "We'll do whatever you want." I let out a few loud sobs onto her shoulder again and she holds me all the more tighter.

I don't say anything for a long time. I don't want to. For this one moment, I'm protected, here in my mother's arms. She's holding me tightly like she used to do when I had nightmares when I was younger; she's keeping me safe from the Big Bad, as they say in the world of acting. Eventually my sobs die down and I clench my eyes shut tightly while I try to imprint her embrace in my brain; I don't ever want to forget this feeling of security….

But then I pull away from her, remembering the crushing reality of why I told her my secret in the first place.

"Mom," I choke out, "I think I might need to get tested."

"What?" She looks at me. That's not what she expected me to say, although I don't know why she wouldn't expect anything seeing as how I practically dropped a bomb on her... I guess it just looked that way,

"I, I saw this movie," I explain, "and this girl had HIV and I didn't think about it back in middle school but what if…." I barely manage the last few words before I start crying again. I don't want to fall back into my mom's arms, but I need her. I need someone to support me. I can't do this alone anymore. She wraps her arms around me, and pulls me close. She rubs her back as she murmurs low, soothing words in my ear.

"It's going to be okay, sweetie," she reassures, "I'll set up an appointment at the clinic, but whatever the result, it's going to be okay. It'll be okay," she repeats, "I'm here now, and I'm going to make sure that everything will be okay. You're going to be safe. I promise."

I want to stay like that forever, but another though crosses my mind. I don't move, though. I want to tell her about Jade—that he hurt her too—but I want Jade to know she can trust me. As much as I want to, Jade's business isn't mine to tell.

Instead of saying anything, I cling tighter to her. The next thing I know, my head is in her lap and I'm falling asleep. It's the first well-deserved nap I've had since I was a little girl...


End file.
